MIKE, spoken: Hey, Wonka, if you can send chocolate by TV, can you send a person too?
WILLY WONKA, spoken: Oh, I suppose so, but there might be some technical issues…
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: Alas, alas, poor Mike Teavee
For OMG, he's ADD
MIKE, spoken: You can’t stop progress, I’m doing it!
WILLY WONKA, spoken: Uh, Mike… no!
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: He's like so many nowadays
It’s awfully modern, this malaise
MIKE, spoken: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Mike Teavee TV Show!
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: For every child that threw a fit
The TV set would babysit
MRS. TEAVEE, spoken: Mr. Wonka where is he?
WILLY WONKA, spoken: I’m looking, I’m looking! There’s so many channels!
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: Attention spans have gone pell-mell
There's only time for LOL
MRS. TEAVEE, spoken: The little people are singing again. That’s never a good sign.
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: They never step outside to play
Their world is dark both night and day
MRS. TEAVEE, spoken: He’s jumping from screen to screen!
WILLY WONKA, spoken: I think it’s called channel hopping.
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: The skies of blue, the pinks, the greens
Are only viewed on laptop screens
MRS. TEAVEE, spoken: Get him out of there!
MIKE, spoken: I’m on TV! Look at me! Look at me!
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: They only move and exercise
MRS. TEAVEE, spoken: What’s happened to him?
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: Their clicking finger and their thumb
WILLY WONKA, spoken: He’s shrunk to fit the TV screen.
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: Each brain cell overloads and dies
CHARLIE, spoken: Will he ever go back to normal?
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: As all their limbs are turning numb
WILLY WONKA, spoken: No one ever goes back to normal after they’ve been on television.
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: Vidiots!
They’re just vidiots!
The age of innocence is gone
Once certain sites are clicked upon
The images that they repeat
Once in the brain you can’t delete
And then like some barbaric huns
Our toddlers all are packing guns
Now children curse and smoke cigars
Our nurseries now have prison bars
They scream and rant and raise their fists
And fire their psychiatrists
We hear them all, the teenage horde
They scream the battle cry “we’re bored!”
Their minds will surely turn to mush
With words that make an ex-con blush
They never mind their ps and qs
They long for piercings and tattoos
Vidiots!
They’re just vidiots!
WILLY WONKA, spoken: It’s years since I’ve been to a rave!
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: With all this info at a click
A book will rot upon the shelf
If all the answers come too quick
A child won’t think for himself
Each day they text on their new toy
Their thoughts and their location
But OMG, will this destroy
The art of conversation?
WILLY WONKA: So sing the story, Mrs. T
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: What's now become of Mike Teavee
MRS. TEAVEE: From wasting his entire brain
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: He's stuck inside his own domain
WILLY WONKA: He'll channel surf till whereupon
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: He'll find that nothing good is on
MRS. TEAVEE: And there is no remote control
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: That he can use to find his soul
WILLY WONKA: His secrets now are yours and mine
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: 'Cause everything he's got's online
MRS. TEAVEE: And who will watch just Mike Teavee
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: When there is newer junk to see?
WILLY WONKA: What once was viral's soon forgot
MRS. TEAVEE: But hand the clicker to his mom
WILLY WONKA: His future's not completely shot
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: His new address is
WILLY WONKA & OOMPA-LOOMPAS: Mike dot com
OOMPA-LOOMPAS: Vidiots!
They're just vidiots!
Vidiots!
They're just vidiots!
They're just vidiots!