I won’t call it apprehension this feeling I get it early
I can’t tell what’s missing, I’m living based on the morning
The sun due to rise but I can’t promise no safety
I been thinking bout you more than ever lately
I was going through mama purse before we walked into the church
And she told me fix my shirt but wipe my face off first
I had ran into the bathroom, just 11 years of age
When I saw my own reflection and I felt something had changed
Later on that week I couldn’t eat or hardly sleep
I was tossing in my bed with premonitions running deep
2 weeks after my birthday the feeling started to make sense
When I heard my mama gasp and it was clear within her scream
That the lord had a took a soul way earlier than expected
(Wait go back)
To August 6th I turned 12 & on august 7th
My father wishing blessings and passing me on a message
Say I know you want a gift so I gotchu just wait a second
Say “I know you want that PS4, I gotchu my n****”
So don’t even try to ask nomo, I got to my n****”
And I heard em, kinda hurt em when I hung up too fast
But he forgave me cause he knew that I just wanted it bad
Fast forward to the 19th, the feeling would pull
I had just talked to my n**** we was chilling in school
It was me Darion, Leeda, even J was there too
Final day before the next one made a permanent bruise
August 20th I hear my mama fall to that floor
6 feet hit the ground and take off all to the door
Like “mama you okay” but in her eyes I see the pain
I was just a kid again, but to these things I’ve been exposed
She couldn’t even get it out and so she kept a quiet mouth
In fact she said get ready yall cause we about to drive around
Looking out that window now had no idea what ride I’m on
I don’t remember music playing but I knew I heard a song
The humming of the motor and the turning signal strong
So we pull up to a house that I’m certain that I know
It’s my grandparents, and this feeling getting worse
The same one from standing in that church
See cause all the family had arrived around the same
Time that we had did but 10 at night a little strange
We huddled in the living room - the irony began
A bunch of heavy faces but there’s one that didn’t change
Confusion of my heart had made it hard so I pretend
I’m clueless when I’m looking but I do not see my friend
I do not see the man who I’m supposed to call my father
I see uncle, auntie, cousin, gma, brother and my mama
In fact I ain’t see nothing no more cause I started to cry
When my grandma grabbed my shoulders while looking me in my eyes
Before she ever said it I felt it somewhere inside
When she told me that my daddy was in a wreck and he died