The Gnu Song - Flanders & Swann
A year ago, last Thursday, I was strolling in the zoo
When I met a man who thought he knew the lot.
He was laying down the law about the habits of baboons,
And the number of quills a porcupine has got.
So I asked him, "What's that creature there?”.
He answered, "Oh, it's a h-elk"
I might have gone on thinking that was true.
If the animal in question hadn’t put that chap to shame
And remarked, "I h-ain't a h-elk. I'm a g-nu"
“I'm a g-nu
I'm a g-nu
The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo
I'm a g-nu
How do you do?
You really ought to k-now w-ho’s w-ho."
"I'm a g-nu, spelt G-N-U
I'm g-not a camel or a kangaroo
So let me introduce
I'm g-neither man or moose
Oh, g-know, g-know, g-know
I'm a g-nu!"
I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-On-Sea
Whence I travelled on to Ashton-Under-Lime it wasactually
And the second night I stayed there I was wakened froma dream
Which I'll tell you all about some other time
Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed,
Stuffed and mounted, was a face I thought I knew
A bison? No, it's not a bison. An ocapi? It's unlikely really
Could it be a hartebeest?
When I seemed to hear a voice: “I'm a g-nu"
"I'm a g-nu
A g-nother g-nu!
I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you.
I'm a g-nu
How do you do?
You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho.”
"I'm a g-nu, spelt G-N-U,
Call me 'bison' or 'ocapi' and I'll sue
G-nor am I in the least,
Like that dreadful hartebeest
Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no
G-know, g-know, g-know, I'm a g-nu
G-know, g-know, g-know, I'm a g-nu!
That's very g-nice of you.